Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
