Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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