eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
