oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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