He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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