She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
