Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
