Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
