I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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