i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
