Already got asked if we're dating
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
