you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
