you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
