also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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