If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
