Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
