names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
