And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
