Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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