like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
