if i can run in heels then i can drive
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
