He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
