I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
