i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
