Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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