My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
