I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
