OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
