If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
