Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
