don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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