sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
