I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I wear drunk well.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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