My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
