dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
is it fun? or sober?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
