She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just found puke in my bra..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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