Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
