Kiss
Puke
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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