Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
