i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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