Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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