with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
