i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
