He is an equal opportunity slut.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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