Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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