Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
