you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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