I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
