hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
