I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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