He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
