He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
