He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
