I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
