im holly from the hills drunk
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
