need another drink. this is the easiest way
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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