took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
